Pirates against Pollution… their manifesto May 28, 2008
(don’t forget Pirate Convention, 12th June in Lansdown at 7.30pm)
DECLARATION
Version 1
I, [insert Pirate name here] being a Pirate Against Pollution (pause for effects) hereby solemnly swear, vow, declare, say publicly, assert, announce, proclaim and affirm, that I will give some careful thought to adhering, following, abiding and otherwise putting up with the Pirates Against Pollution Top Tips, Guidelines and Undertakings, otherwise known as The Code, The Pledge or The Rules, on pain of mildly embarrasing disclosures and expulsion from the Basket-Making (see point 18).
- 1. Da Balloons Never let go of your balloons. If they drop in the ocean, sea turtles think they are jellyfish and choke on them. (You never know when you may need a sea turtle).
- 2. Cotton buds Always put your cotton buds in the bin and not down the loo or else they ends up on the beach, which is not nice. (Real pirates use their finger anyway, or better still, someone else’s finger. This works best if the owner is not still connected to it.)
- 3. Peeing Don’t pee in the sea. Wait until the end of the voyage.
- 4. Parking Never moor your boat up a tree.
- 5. Smoking Don’t smoke underwater. Wear a patch instead.
- 6. Recycling Take what you can, give nothing back. (This can’t be right ?)
- 7. Blood Blood on your hands or the deck should be washed off with ecologically-friendly-cleaning products – don’t use chlorine bleach – it poisons the sea and gives you Dead Man’s Finger.
- 8. Chests Take a treasure chest with you if you go shopping or plundering. Don’t use plastic carrier bags as they can get in the sea and also choke sea turtles, seals and sea-birds. If you haven’t got a chest then a string bag will do but it looks a bit poncey.
- 9. Phone Chargers Pirates should not leave their phone chargers, tvs or DVDs on stand by. This is too complicated to explain.
- 10. Pets Pirates are allowed a pet but the following guidelines apply and all pets should be free range: Parrots** – always have a spare one handy in case of sudden migrations.
- Encourage your parrot to abuse polluters.
- Rabbits – rabbits are alright but can cause problems on ships if they start burrowing in the booty and most are not so good as parrots at talking.
- Albatrosses – not recommended for small ships or dinghies – need a lot of exercise.
- Beavers – never let a beaver near the mast. In fact avoid beavers altogether if possible.
- (Other pets to avoid include woodpeckers, termites, woodworm and weevils.)
- 11. Mermaids Always wash your mermaid at 30 degrees – they shrink in the wash
- 12. School Run A 4 x 4 master schooner is not the most suitable mode of transport for the school run. Row ashore in a skiff – or better still, swim.
- 13. Fighting Fighting on the beaches is only permitted on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, between the hours of 12am and 11.59pm.
- 14. Swords and cutlasses and like Effects Plastic swords are not allowed – all self-respecting pirates use wooden ones from sustainable sources.
- 15. Bathwater Bathwater should be unequally distributed in the following way: Captain and ship’s cat first, followed by officers and finally scurvy dogs, then crew.
- 16. Underwear Following a keel-hauling or plank-walking, there may be unpleasant debris in the sea. Always hook out any floating items – fish, octopus, and sea snakes may not wish to be seen wearing dirty underpants, socks and bandanas.
- 17. Recycling Always recycle any hooks, earrings, gold teeth and wooden legs. The market for second-hand hooks and teeth is very strong, and its nicer for the environment anyway. It’s easier to remove the teeth from people who are dead, very drunk, or very absent-minded.
- 18. Ironing Ironing on deck is only permitted prior to the Annual Pirates Flower Arranging and Basket Weaving Presentations.
- 19. Beards Any bird life found in beards should be left until fully-fledged. It is against Pirate Law to knowingly disturb a bird nesting on the person.
- 20. Compost If composting your enemies, always make sure they are good and dead before adding them to the compost heap. Remember that composting bodies in the sea attracts sharks.
- **Parrots should really be free and not kept as pets – an ‘issue’.
- Parrots are under review and the review is being kept under wraps.
Quote of the week… May 9, 2008
“Do not follow where the path leads, Rather go where there is no path, and leave a trail.”
The Worst Pirate May 4, 2008
You should know by now that I have a fascination with pirates. I’m probably not alone and if you do too there’s a Pirate Convention with pirate stories, song and mingling over rum on June 12th at the Lansdown in Bristol. I’ve just finished a brilliant book about Anne Bonney, a famous female pirate who was pretty tough and also easy on the eye so they say. A great read, called Pirate Spirit.
This is a cool song from Pirates of the Carribean…
World Naked Gardening Day – 3rd May! May 2, 2008
http://wngd.org/
From their site:
Get ready for the Fourth Annual World Naked Gardening Day (WNGD)! People across the globe are encouraged, on Saturday, May 3, 2008 to tend their portion of the world’s garden clothed as nature intended.
Gardening has a timeless quality, and anyone can do it: young and old, singles or groups, the fit and infirm, urban and rural. An elderly lady in a Manhattan apartment can plant new annuals in her window box. Families can rake leaves in their back yard. Freehikers can pull invasive weeds along their favorite stretch of trail. More daring groups can make rapid clothes-free sorties into public parks to do community-friendly stealth cleanups.
Why garden naked? First of all, it’s fun! Second only to swimming, gardening is at the top of the list of family-friendly activities people are most ready to consider doing nude. Moreover, our culture needs to move toward a healthy sense of both body acceptance and our relation to the natural environment. Gardening naked is not only a simple joy, it reminds us–even if only for those few sunkissed minutes–that we can be honest with who we are as humans and as part of this planet.
